


Secret Agent Man

by heartsdesire456



Series: Uncle Phil [3]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Crossover, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-26
Updated: 2013-09-26
Packaged: 2017-12-27 17:11:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/981470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartsdesire456/pseuds/heartsdesire456
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>The realization that <i>Phil</i> was clearly somehow involved in issues that often involved superheroes and government agencies was confusing as hell. Stiles’s first thought was ‘I bet Phil is FBI’ and his second was ‘I bet Danny could help me hack the FBI’. After those thoughts filtered through his mind, Stiles couldn't help it – he felt <i>compelled</i> to grab his phone and call in a favor.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>3rd fic to a series in which Phil is Stiles's uncle and Stiles and his friends are sneakier than Phil ever could have imagined. (Gen and background mention of M/M is only for this part, eventual pairings to come)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secret Agent Man

**Author's Note:**

> This one's a bit longer and we start to get into some plot. Hopefully you guys won't be disappointed!

The first time Phil suddenly had to leave for a work emergency, Stiles didn’t think anything about it until he turned on the news and saw that there was a giant robot attacking a small town in New Jersey and the Avengers had shown up to save the day. Even then, his only thought was ‘I bet that’s going to make traffic a bitch since people will be frantic that it’s gonna come here next after last time. I hope Phil doesn’t end up late for his meeting’. He didn’t even think anything of the fact that Phil came home smelling faintly like burned rubber and wearing a different outfit than he’d left in. 

The second time Phil suddenly left for an emergency board meeting with the head of his accounting firm, Stiles thought it was a funny coincidence that twice in a row Phil had to leave for a sudden work engagement the same time something superhero related was going on, this time in the form of an alien space ship attacking Long Island. It was a little odd that Phil came home with a faint sparkling dust in his hair, but Stiles didn’t think it was his place to ask about a man’s interaction with glitter. What Phil did in his own time was his own business, not Stiles’s. 

However, as his dad always said, once is an incident, twice is a coincidence, and three times is a pattern. The third time Phil was suddenly called in to the office, Stiles immediately flipped to the news the moment the door shut behind Phil and, sure enough, there was a freaking _squid monster that looked horrifyingly close to Cthulhu_ climbing out of the harbor and up the Statue of Liberty. Stiles held off on his suspicion, expecting to ask Phil about it casually after dinner and see how much it made Phil laugh. Instead, Phil came home soaking wet with a few strange slimy looking steaks in his hair with the excuse of ‘water pipe burst at work’ and a clear expectation that that was all Stiles would need to fully believe him. The realization that _Phil_ was clearly somehow involved in issues that often involved superheroes and government agencies was confusing as hell. Stiles’s first thought was ‘I bet Phil is FBI’ and his second was ‘I bet Danny could help me hack the FBI’. After those thoughts filtered through his mind, Stiles couldn’t help it – he felt _compelled_ to grab his phone and call in a favor.

“Danny Boy! You know how you owe me one- what? You totally owe me one, I saved your boyfriend’s life!” Stiles rolled his eyes. “Yes, I did, you can ask him! Anyhow, I’m ready to call in my favor!” Stiles knew he’d have his answer before too long.

~

Phil was putting up groceries when his phone rang. He cursed as he fumbled for it before finally catching it firmly enough to answer. “Coulson,” he said curtly, waiting for the bad news. He was really getting called in a lot for someone on leave.

“Are you at your apartment? Is everything okay?” Fury asked in an oddly worried tone.

Phil frowned. “Yes, why wouldn’t I be-“

Phil was interrupted by Clint diving through the open window in his tactical gear, releasing the grappling hook arrow as he rolled across the floor and landed in a crouch, only to falter when he spotted Phil casually putting away groceries. “Boss?” he asked, looking confused. He stood straight, though still alert, and looked around. “Where is- wait, are you _okay_?” he asked, looking as utterly perplexed as Phil felt.

“Sir, care to tell me why a Hawk just flew into my window?” Phil demanded, glancing into the living room to make sure Stiles hadn’t heard Clint arrive and come out of his room.

“Coulson, there was a flag up. Someone hacked into SHIELD to view your file.” Phil paled. 

“What did they look at? Did they find my address?! I’ve got a civilian here-“

“It was _from_ your address, Agent,” Fury interrupted. “The trace on the hack came up with two hackers and one of them was at your apartment. The other came from California. Whoever these two are, they’re good. The one from California got into SHIELD opened the door for the one from your address so quietly that they got to your file before we closed them out.”

Phil frowned. “California? Are we sure it wasn’t Stark?”

Clint shook his head. “He’s at the Tower,” he muttered just as Fury clarified.

“No, not Malibu, a small town in northern California.”

Realization struck Phil and he gaped openly for a moment – so much that it clearly alarmed Clint, who drew his weapon – before he found his words. “Holy crap, I think I know what just happened,” Phil said in quiet shock.

“What? Is someone there?!” Fury asked and Clint looked franticly into the living room, gun out before Phil reached out and pushed his gun down.

“My nephew – the one living at my address – is from Beacon Hills, California, near the Oregon border,” he said and Clint gaped. “I have no idea what made him think I may be SHIELD or how the hell he got into SHIELD files when only Tony Stark has successfully did that remotely, but he must’ve had help back home.” Phil chuckled, a mixture of relieved and amused. “You should probably pick up whoever helped him back home and bring them in.”

“You mean to tell me,” Fury began, “That a seventeen year old and an unknown accomplice across the country were able to remotely gain access to the most secure network _ever_?! Are you sure he’s not a sleeper-“

Phil scoffed. “Nick, he’s a child, not a threat. Look, we find his accomplice and bring them in and we take my nephew in. They’ll be scared enough by the experience of being arrested by a government agency that they won’t be a problem in the future.” He paused. “Hell, whoever his helper is might even be worth recruiting if they’re that good.”

Fury sighed audibly. “We’ll wait until we find this second hacker before we get that complacent. You should be on alert just in case. Keep Barton there until your nephew is least expecting it and then have Barton call in Romanov and arrest him. You come in with them when they get him.”

Phil agreed, but added a stipulation. “We go easy on him. No rough handling, no threats of bodily harm, nothing to scare him too bad. He’s just a child.”

“A lot of children are used for bad things, Phil,” Fury said simply before hanging up.

Clint just whistled. “Wow, your nephew?!”

Phil shrugged. “No idea.”

~

Stiles was asleep one moment and then the next he was snatched out of his bed. He startled awake with a scream, only to have it muffled as something was put over his mouth and something black slipped over his head. He lashed out, but his arms and legs were quickly bound. He didn’t hear Phil shouting but he hoped Phil was alright. He didn’t hear any voices, so he had no idea how the people dragging him out of the apartment were communicating, but he knew there were at least two of them. He panicked for a while, but after a few minutes of being inside a moving vehicle, he took deep breaths around his gag and relaxed, listening close and using his senses. 

He heard movement from three distinct directions so he figured there were three people. There were no voices, but he could hear traffic around them as they moved. He had no idea where they were because he had missed the first few turns – and even then he only knew a few spots in New York so far – but he knew they had to be in a van of some sort the way he was laying in the floor of the vehicle without hitting things. He estimated they drove for about half an hour before they stopped. The doors opened and small hands grabbed him and hauled him up. He could assume it was a woman, since a child wouldn’t be kidnapping people. He figured it could be a small man, but the man would have to be very small – Lydia sized – so a woman was more likely. There were voices, low murmuring voices, as he was taken somewhere. The air conditioning heated air said it was a building, not a warehouse. He heard at least six sets of footsteps – one of which seemed to be struggling so he was probably not the only one kidnapped. 

Stiles was shoved into a seat and, just as he heard scraping across from him like another person given the same treatment, the bag on his head was ripped off. The bright light blinded him for a moment, but when he blinked, he was horrified to see Danny sitting across from him, staring at him in an equal amount of terror. However, after a moment his fear subsided when he realized Danny’s presence and the treatment they received meant it was in relation to their activities and not werewolves.

His gag was removed and he turned to see a red-haired woman in black rounding the table to do the same to Danny. “Don’t worry,” he said to Danny instantly. “It’s not home-related stuff.”

The woman raised an eyebrow, silently watching him on her way towards the door. Stiles couldn’t read her but he was distracted from her departure by Danny scoffing.

“Even if it’s not ‘home related’, I was still _kidnapped_!” he hissed. “This is about your uncle, isn’t it?!” he demanded.

Stiles gave him an innocent look. “Danny, dude, I did _not_ know he was a freaking super spy when I asked you to help me get into the FBI employee records! I figured he was just your average fed like Scott’s dad! I figured maybe he wasn’t an accountant like he told me, but he could’ve still be a regular desk jockey fed!”

Danny glared. “Why is it when things seem to go wrong for me you are always involved?! I swear to God, if I go to Guantanamo bay for this, Ethan will _eat you_!” he hissed.

Stiles opened his mouth but the door opened, cutting him off. “Gentlemen. We seem to have a situation.” Stiles raised an eyebrow when a man walked in with an eye patch and a long coat. He walked over and dropped a file on the table, looking between them as he leaned both hands on the surface. “Can either of you tell me what that situation might be?”

Stiles couldn’t help it, it was too easy. “Is all the rum gone?” he asked, biting back a grin when Danny gasped loudly and gave him a horrified look. Stiles wasn’t sure, but he could’ve swore he heard a snicker from the open door behind him.

The man stared at him with a look that might’ve been amusement if it were any other situation. “How does your constitutional rights being gone sound?” he countered and Stiles rolled his eyes.

“Sounds like you’re trying to scare me but it’s really simple, Captain Jack,” he said straightforwardly. “I get it – we fucked up hacking into that weird super spy database. We got out of it when we realized where we were. It won’t happen again. We won’t tell anybody how we got in – Danny did it – and all this ‘terrify them into compliance’ stuff is really unnecessary.”

“My name isn’t Jack, and I am not a captain,” the man said, looking less amused. “I’m Director Fury, and you two managed to hack into the highest security, most top secret government agency that exists,” he said, looking between them. “We have a much bigger issue on our hands than you seem to realize.” Fury stood up and walked around the table, looking them both over. “Mr. Stilinski, you mind telling me how you found out that Agent Coulson was a SHIELD agent?”

Stiles shrugged. “Well, I didn’t know he was. I thought he was FBI,” he said honestly. “He got called into sudden work emergencies three times and every time there was a big scary situation going on in the Northeast. I just put two and two together an got ‘FBI’.”

Fury raised an eyebrow. “And you just through ‘hey, I’ll hack the FBI database to see if my uncle is FBI’?” he asked and Stiles shrugged.

“Yeah, why not? My best friend’s dad is FBI. They’re douchebags. Why not dig around in their records and freak them out some?” he said with a grin.

Fury shot Danny a look. “And how did you get into this?”

Stiles answered for him. “Danny got into the FBI once. Figured he could do it again.”

Danny swallowed visibly. “We- we didn’t mean to get into SHIELD. I found a connection from the FBI to an ‘Agent Coulson’ so I followed it and accidentally slipped through a backdoor encryption that linked a super top secret FBI file to a single shred of SHIELD and I went a little deeper and suddenly we got his entire file. When I realized what SHIELD was we got out fast, I swear!” He ducked his head. “Am I going to prison? I really don’t want to go to prison. Nothing good happens to queer teenagers in prison.”

Stiles chuckled. “Danny, we’re not going to _prison_. Chill, man!”

Fury shot him a glare. “Oh you don’t think so? You know some dangerous information. Both of you have the knowledge of a top level SHIELD agent now. You think prison sounds bad, what do you think someone might do for that kind of information?”

Stiles actually had to bite back a snort. “Look, man, threat of death or bodily harm isn’t that big of a deal to me anymore-“

“Shut up, Stiles, I like being alive!” Danny hissed.

Stiles shrugged. “You know what I mean, Danny. It’s not like I haven’t been kidnapped and tortured before for a lot less than information about the government-“

There were footsteps behind him. “Stiles, what do you mean by that?” Fury looked annoyed as Phil suddenly walked in, Stiles wasn’t surprised to see him at all. Phil ignored Danny as he walked over, genuine concern in his eyes. “I know your dad said there was town problems but _kidnapped and tortured_?!”

Stiles froze up. “Look… it’s not national security related-“

“It’s you and me related,” Phil argued. “Does your father know you were _tortured_?! Who did it? Is the person in prison?!” he demanded.

Stiles sighed, letting his head fall back. “Dad doesn’t know and it doesn’t matter because the person is no longer in the picture.” He wiggled, wincing as the zip ties around his wrists dug in.

Phil noticed the movement then nodded to Fury. “He’s been tortured before. This isn’t funny anymore.”

Fury nodded reluctantly, standing up. “Agreed,” he sighed, though he sounded like maybe he didn’t, before going around to cut Danny’s ties while Phil did Stiles’s. “Look, scare tactics aside, we do need to have you boys tell us exactly how you did something that only one person has done before,” he said, looking at Danny. “But I think we’ve scared you two enough for one night.”

Phil stood tall. “Sir, I’d like permission to take them both back to my place. SHIELD headquarters is no place for a pair of teenagers.”

Fury nodded. “I’ll need them back by oh-nine hundred tomorrow,” he said, then chuckled. “Don’t answer too many of their questions, Coulson.”

Phil grinned. “Of course not, sir.” He nodded to the boys. “Come on, let’s get out of here,” he said, gesturing to the door.

Danny walked around the table and glowered at Stiles on the way past. “Hate. You. So. Hard,” he muttered and Stiles just winked.

“Lies!”

~

On the ride back to Phil’s apartment, Stiles turned to talk to Danny, who was silent in the back seat. “Hey dude, sorry about all this-“

“My parents are going to report me missing, Stiles,” Danny argued, glaring. “People came in through my window while I was sleeping and snatched me out of my bed! My parents will realize I haven’t come out of my room and find me gone and my window open and think I ran away and when I don’t come back, they’ll call your dad and report me missing!”

Stiles cringed. “Soooo what are the chances your mom dropkicks Ethan when she sees him cause she thinks you two ran off together?” he asked and Danny glared even harder. “What?! She hates him so it makes sense-“

“I KNOW IT DOES, STILES!” Danny cried. “If I end up in some remote island prison in Siberia, Ethan will get blamed for my disappearance and your dad knows about _them_ so he’ll think that Ethan killed me and Chris Argent will _kill him_ and then everybody will be sad because they’ll think we’re both dead and-“

“Are you forgetting that I’m going to go home in like… a couple weeks?” Stiles interrupted. “Dude, I’ll totally tell them you’re in prison.”

“YOU’LL GO TO AZKABAN WITH ME!” Danny snapped.

Phil cleared his throat. “Boys, relax.” He chuckled softly. “Neither of you are going to prison – and definitely not a fictional wizarding prison, Mr. Mahealani – and we can work on the least punishment inducing cover story for you when you go home.”

Stiles waved a hand. “There you go.” He grinned. “Hey, I know! Your mom hates Ethan so you just say you had a fight that he started and you were so upset you needed to get away and you knew I was here so you hopped on a flight and came to see a friend who might understand.” He hesitated. “Wait, actually how the HELL did they get you hear so fast if you were asleep when they came for you?”

“No school means I slept late. They got me this morning.” He groaned. “I don’t have my cellphone so they’ll really panic about me not answering. Also, why would I have come to talk to _you_?” he demanded. “If I was having boyfriend troubles, why would I go to the one person who has never dated anybody?”

Stiles dramatically threw his hands up. “BECAUSE I AM THE ONLY OTHER GUY WHO LIKES DUDES BESIDES YOU AND ETHAN!” he cried in frustration. “Oh my God, nobody believes me! I’ve got the opposite problem than most people, Danny, none of you _believe me_ when I say I like guys!”

Danny raised an eyebrow. “Wait, you were serious about that?”

“YES!” Stiles cried, tugging at his own hair as he dramatically flailed. “Oh my God, Scott doesn’t believe me, you don’t believe me, my _dad_ didn’t believe me!” He looked at Phil. “You believe me, right? I’ve never mentioned it but ‘ta-daaaa I’m bisexual!’” he made jazz hands and Phil raised an eyebrow at him.

“Congratulations?” Phil offered before turning back to the road.

Danny gave him an apologetic look. “Wow, Stiles, dude, if we knew you were serious-“

“I know, I know, nobody thinks I’m serious, but in my defense!” He held up a finger. “Even if my dad’s evidence to the contrary is that I don’t ‘dress gay’, you’re like the most non-stereotypical gay guy ever, Danny. Why do people expect me to be flamboyant or something to prove I like guys if you aren’t?”

Danny shrugged. “I dunno. I’ve never really thought about it. I guess I’m not really that stereotypical. Huh.”

Stiles glared. “Dude, you are a star athlete, you hang out with jocks, you’re a man’s man, you are one step away from going out to chop down trees and grow a beard you’re so masculine and nobody had a problem accepting ‘oh yeah, Danny Mahealani, he likes guys’! I like _girls_ with only the occasional guy tossed in and yet I apparently need to be ‘gayer’ to prove I’m bisexual.” He huffed, flopping back in his seat. “Maybe they _won’t_ believe you came to talk to me with your boyfriend freak out.”

Danny smiled. “Hey, Stiles, if your uncle can keep me out of prison, I’ll totally make them all realize you’re serious. It’s all fine.”

Phil just rolled his eyes. “Teenagers,” he sighed and Stiles grinned at him, making him shake his head in amusement.

**Author's Note:**

> More to come!


End file.
